Comment from Mike
Time: February 28, 2008, 9:44 am

I’ve been living in Spain for just over two years and already regard it very much as home. We’re staying here for good - we’re much closer to my Spanish partner’s family here - although strangely she’s the one who feels more homesick for the UK. She had lived in London for almost 20 years before we moved out here - actually she’s lived in London longer than in Spain. Sometimes she misses the greenery of England. However, that’s easily fixed by a quick trip up to the Pyrenees or a visit to “Green Spain”. And yes, I do wander around with a silly grin on my face thinking how lucky I am to be here. How long does that take to wear off?

Comment from Ben
Time: February 28, 2008, 9:56 am

“I do wander around with a silly grin on my face thinking how lucky I am to be here. How long does that take to wear off?”

- Don’t know, it’s still there after 9.5 years

Comment from Parubin
Time: February 28, 2008, 10:23 am

I’ve lived in two different countries, appart from my home country -Spain-, but it was never that long -two years and a year and a half- and I always knew I had to come back. In any case I still now toy with the possibility of moving abroad and the fantastic experience that that is.

I now think, that in 2008, the concept of national borders and countries itself is more psychological than geographycal, social or political.

Twenty or thirty years ago you could notice the difference between countries, even neighbouring countries. But nowadays, in the era of communications, internet, fast frequent and economic transportation, globalization, what is the concept of living abroad??

Especially for Europeans, we have become a policical and social entity, with no internal borders, with the same rights of establishing ourselves within the Union no matter the country of origin. Planes are fast and cheap, distances short. With our society of communication you can even read the same newspapers, listen to the same radio stations, watch the same tv stations no matter if whe live abroad.

In 2008 for a Londoner, Spain feels more like home than for that Londoner’s father the city of Newcastle (just an example). As for an Andalucian Berlin is closer to him than the region of Galicia 30 years ago.

We share most of types of entertainment, we have the same kind of shops of all shorts in all our cities, similar restaurants, we even have the same currency (except for the Brits and a few others).

I lived in the US in 1991 (highscholl exchange program) and in order to communicate with home or hear any little piece of news about Spain, I had to make a long distance call, if I was lucky and someone was home to pick the phone at the time, or write a letter and mail it through the postal service which took more than 10 days to get home. Two months ago I was driving through Death Valley, California, and I was getting phone calls from work in Spain, or I was sending pictures or e-mails.

How things have changed in such few time.

Some will argue than diversity is being lost and a new whole world, all of the same nature, is being established, and that that is boring and less thrilling. Could be true, but there are still these little idiosincrasities of our own that still give us some peculiarities among us. These little differences are celebrated in places like this web site, and, of course, they enrich our global village.

There’s no more abroad other than in our own minds. And, in the end, I think this is mainly for the best.

Comment from soy pescador
Time: February 28, 2008, 10:57 am

Hi Everyone , I love this site. It makes me feel that I am not alone and there are people like me out there in lovely Spain who have or are going through the adjustment of living in another country.
I resided in the UK , for 3 years in wonderful Oxford before moving to Spain 15 months ago.
I really liked the UK for many reasons but was ready or so I thought to move on to Spain to start life with my Spanish wife.
Well was I in for a suprise , we moved into her village just outside of Valencia and all of a sudden my life was turned upside down. The family do not speak English so I was really in the deep end. With my limited Spanish and dont mention Valenciano I started my new found life in Spain. Between then and now life has got easier but there are still days when I wonder if this really will ever be home. I joined a Spanish tile Factory which was my first taste of Spanish business. (I shall not mention any more of that experience ) I am now attempting to freelance (autonimo) in Spain. Even more interesting as you all know.
Anyhow I will hopefully weather the months or years that lie ahead of me. I think the secret is to stay positive (not easy) and look at all the pros of living in Spain no matter how much I miss some of the old things that I had outside of Spain.
Saludos

Comment from luke
Time: February 28, 2008, 11:01 am

I’ve been to Spain 3 times a year for 12 years and I still can’t make up my mind to leave London. On a beautiful summer’s day, I was talking about this to a male lifeguard in Madrid. He was flanked by a couple of pretty women whilst looking over a luxuriant pool. The young Spanish lifeguard said that he didn’t like Madrid, everything was too predictable and he was going to live in Iceland! My worry is that maybe I’ll get too used to living in Spain and end up like him. Life in London isn’t predictable (that’s sometimes a bad thing) and there does seem to be certain homogeneity in Spain. I suppose that reading this blog is one of the ways to help me make up my mind.

Comment from hellothere
Time: February 28, 2008, 11:08 am

I agree: adaptation starts in the mind.
In all fairness I have only ever lived in good ol’Europe, so I feel that my adaptation effort has been minimal and I have felt at home wherever I have been so far.
Maybe if I tried and moved elsewhere, would I experience a much bigger shock.

I would not know about timing, but the way I see it (in a very simplified way), once the “honeymoon” phase has worn off, you can take one of two directions:
Either you start adapting, meeting local people, doing local things, eating local, basically getting integrated.
Or else you get homesick, mix with people from your home country, whinge a lot about your host country and forget completely what made you come there in the first place.

I wonder which one of the two attitudes will guarantee you a better time in the long run…

Comment from soy pescador
Time: February 28, 2008, 11:51 am

I agree: adaptation starts in the mind.
comment from hellothere.

Try and tell your mind this , at the age of 41 my mind seems to be adament that certain things are done in a way that it knows. So introducing new ways are not easy to adapt to. I have lived in South Africa and the UK and now Spain which has come as a big change for me.

Comment from frank
Time: February 28, 2008, 12:38 pm

“I’ve been to Spain 3 times a year for 12 years and I still can’t make up my mind to leave London.”

Very similar to me, although I have been visiting for over 20 years, and the last few years, spending a month or two a year. So I obviously like the place, but don’t think I could live there, it can be an incredibly frustrating place at times! Plus, I’m lucky to live in a beautiful, rural part of UK, and am out nearly every day walking, and on days like we have had the last few weeks, there is nowhere else I would rather be! Mind you, I think I’d hate London!

Comment from hellothere
Time: February 28, 2008, 12:39 pm

Hello Soy pescador, I had not read your minteresting testimony when I posten my message.
When I wrote it, I had a specific kind of people in mind, the ones who will land in a foreign country, start complaining about everything and do nothing to improve their situation, hence making their own life a misery.

Not that being positive and pro-active like you seem to be, is a guarantee for 100% success, but can you imagine how your life would be if you just stayed there doing nothing and whingeing about everything? It would be awful, wouldn’t it? This is what I was referring to in my previous message. Landing in a small village in a foreign-speaking country certainly does not sound easy. So at least you cannot say you are not trying to adapt, this is a big achievement already.

Language is a big barrier, I am experiencing it right now aswell. And I have always ended up feeling at home wherever I have lived: 9 places and 4 countries so far. Maybe I have been lucky. But I also think this has something to do with the way I perceive things.

All the best with the language(s) learning and your work as an autónomo, and sorry if my previous message got interpreted in a way that I had not intended.

Comment from Pepino (Dave Hall)
Time: February 28, 2008, 1:04 pm

I´ve only lived in 2 places outside of the UK. First Australia in 1999/2000 and now Spain for the past 18 months. I instantly felt at home in Australia, and was depressed as hell when I returned to the UK for the next 6 years.

When I arrived in Barcelona, it was like a massive weight had been lifted from me. I don´t know why, because I had more problems to deal with (language, intregration, making the move alone etc) in Spain than I ever did in Australia, but I felt inside that I´d done the right thing, and even when things have gone a little off the rails here, I´ve still never considered for a moment going back to the UK, even though it would be incredibly easy from a practical viewpoint (as I still have a little house there, and family to help me etc).

The thing about integration in Spain is that it just has never seemed like hard work to me. Maybe I´m an exception, maybe I´m just a bit lucky, but it´s been an absolute pleasure(although it´s an ongoing process of course as I still have a way to go yet). I´m a born worrier and you could say that I´m only happy when I´ve got something to panic about, but I must admit that I´ve never worried about integrating. From day one I found I was being invited to events and parties etc with nothing but Spaniards, and with my awful spoken Spanish, I still managed to somehow not put my foot in it with anyone, so the ball just kept on rolling. At a dinner with my ex-work-colleagues last week, I was babbling away across the table, but heard one of the bosses turn to another and comment about how “Dave seems Spanish every time I see him!”. That felt really nice.

When I first arrived, I could never understand why people would tell me that Catalans are cold and distant, and that I´d struggle to be included in things, because I was suddenly in the thick of it and having a great time. Things have chilled since then as I´ve changed jobs to one that demands more of me and leaves me worn out at times, but I´ve built up a great set of friends, some English of course, but the vast majority are Spanish or Latin American, and they´ve all been a great help.

When I say the word “home” nowadays, I mean Barcelona not Manchester without even thinking about it and whether I´m here for ever, I don´t know, but I´m certainly here for at least the forseeable future. If the day ever comes when I decide to leave, I think it will be a very difficult move indeed, and there better be something pretty amazing on the other side of the fence!

I know other people haven´t had such a good experience as me, so sorry if my post is sickeningly positive, but there you go! jeje

Basically, Ben´s absolutely right with the 5 minute analogy. And as for the 5 year one…. I´ll tell you in 3 and a half years from now

Comment from Brendan
Time: February 28, 2008, 1:08 pm

I’ve lived in five countries including Spain and Spain for me has been the most difficult, age definitely has a part to play in it. I love the food, the culture, scenery and history, but for me there’s one small thing and that’s the Spanish circle of life, family first then friends and well there’s nothing after that and it takes a little getting used to. Don’t get me wrong I have a wide circle of Spanish friends and enjoy their company immensely and the very thing I criticise has aided me to get to where I am, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept, especially when you have a mindset that’s the opposite. Slowly but surely as I’m able to communicate more and see it from the inside so to speak I’m sure I’ll see a change of perspective, until then, only four more years to go!

Comment from soy pescador
Time: February 28, 2008, 1:09 pm

Hi hellothere , no problem thank you for the best wishes on the Autonomo side.
Change is always a good thing , I think I just get a little frustrated at times.
(I do however love my Spanish food and lets not forget the Vino )

Comment from Andrew
Time: February 28, 2008, 1:37 pm

I couldn’t even hazard a guess - too many variables. Spain is nice though, very sunny and should be just the ticket for almost anyone.

Comment from luke
Time: February 28, 2008, 2:20 pm

@frank
You probably would hate living in London. I was born in London and I know that it can be hell but an interesting hell!

Comment from beachhutman
Time: February 28, 2008, 3:42 pm

I have just bought in Spain near Antequera, where I shall relocate to this summer. I am now making strenuous efforts to learn the language. Maybe it would be easier if I started from nil, but I speak passable Italian and French, and a bit of Arabic, and am having a lot of trouble with the pronunciation. Not helped by actually working in Beijing most of the year - oh, and a bit of Chinese - so I only get to do serious study in the back of cabs. But I know it’s right and time to do this, I have no need to live in UK any more. I’ll bookmark this blog too.

Website links to blog at the big button

Comment from sandy
Time: February 28, 2008, 4:29 pm

I have lived in Spain on and off for almost 10 years in a span of 15 years. I have to agree with Brendan that Spain is not the easiest country to adapt to in my dictionary either.

I have come to realize I can tell if a place is home by checking how I feel when I return by plane to the city I reside. Do I have the feeling of “this is home” or “I am finally home” when the plane touches ground? I remember it took a long time before I got that “home sweet home” feeling when the plane landed in Spain.

Comment from Ben
Time: February 28, 2008, 7:26 pm

@soy pescador - the autonomo thing is a nightmare to start with, and can’t be helping, but it gets easier.

@sandy - I think the plane hitting the ground idea really works. Whenever I touch down in Barajas I think “It’s great to be home” (usually because it’s much warmer than where I have come from!)

@frank - London would not be for you! I have just spent a few days in the warm British countryside though, walking every day, and agree, it is more than acceptable!

@Pepino - sorry your comment got caught in moderation for a while. Great comment, it’s the perfect tale of a happy arrival at a new life in Spain!

Comment from Jill (la vieja de la manga)
Time: February 29, 2008, 1:58 am

We left england in 1972, with a babe in arms and a 2 year old, for husband’s work in New York. We lived in Greenwich Conn which was lovely in summer by the sea. Winter brought ice storms and later snow for hazardas driving but the children thrived and I learned to use a tumble dryer, buy pampers and drive on the right

After a few years Paris, France became home and a new language to be learned - my schoolgirl stuff improved and children soon learn and adapt. Both boys/men still use language skills in their working life.

We returned Stateside for 4 years then Paris for 2 more before moving to Belgium for 7 years.

1995 we retired and decided to live in our summer home in Spain for a while to see how we liked it. I learned the language, and we’re still here, we love our lifestyle and have no wish to live elsewhere.
This is home - we have no other. We have various Spanish friends anxious to speak english, so we mix n match and have a happy time. We shall never be fully integrated but at our age it doesn’t matter - life is for enjoying and sharing.

But for young people wanting to move to Spain, I urge you to learn Spanish first, it will hold you in good stead when dealing with bureaucracy.

Comment from Moscow
Time: February 29, 2008, 3:32 pm

I agree fully with the last comment by Jill. Language is key. The better one speaks the local linguo the more you will be able to adapt to your new environment. I am from Madrid. I lived for 10 years in the UK. Someone mentioned predictability. I found Britain far too predictable. Same with Germany, where I lived for 3 years. I had no problems, both countries are fine. Germany has a great quality of life. But they are not for the intrepid. I have lived know in Russia for 8 years, and it has proved to be every bit as challenging as I thought it would be. After many years of struggle I finally speak the language at a level that approaches that of a native. This makes a lot of things an awful lot easier. At work, at home, what have you. But I am not sure I will ever be able to call Russia home. On the other hand, Germany or Britain could easily have become home had I stayed.

Comment from luke
Time: February 29, 2008, 4:55 pm

Yeah I’m sure Moscow is unpredictable. Here in London my 8 year old daughter has just come back from school. She said that three men reacted to something that a 10 year old shouted through the school fence. One of the men pulled a gun on the kid. I’m pretty shocked right now.
Here in South Tottenham we have had gun problems involving the Kurdish and Turkish community and other violent problems from other communities but this I didn’t predict. I think I’m going to have to take my kids somewhere more predictable.

Comment from Ben
Time: February 29, 2008, 6:14 pm

@Luke, that is really scary. It may well be time to move!

Comment from Gary
Time: February 29, 2008, 6:43 pm

There is little likelihood of my ever moving permanently to spain what with elderly relatives, diabetic dog and grandchildren but I try to spent as much time as possible there. I am in full time employment but still manage 6 weeks ayear or so. I am just very comfortable in the cities particularly Barcelona. There is a strange feeling of coming home when I land back in town. Very strange

Comment from frank
Time: March 1, 2008, 9:24 am

“@Luke, that is really scary. It may well be time to move!”

Where? To Madrid? http://tinyurl.com/yvzvly

Comment from Irish eyes
Time: March 1, 2008, 10:30 am

A note of caution to other Europeans: Do your homework first.
Parubin’s comment that we, …have become a policical and social entity, with no internal borders, (and) with the same rights of establishing ourselves within the Union no matter the country of origin,’ is more the ideal than the reality.
Getting your qualifications recognised in another member state can be difficult or in some cases, well nigh impossible. Also, some Social Welfare payments such as Disability Allowances do not travel between countries and, even if you are working and paying tax, there may be procedures to follow to get benifits that are not the same as your home country and not knowing these can lead to you or your dependants losing out. Don’t assume anything, and double check anything you are told.
In the long term, being well prepared and having an idea of what you can do if things go wrong can make a huge difference to whether you feel at home in a new country or simply trapped there.

Comment from Joey
Time: March 3, 2008, 9:39 pm

This year I will have been living in Madrid 21 years. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but it really is my home — the one I chose. I’m married now and have formed my family here, and no matter how long my visits to other family and friends in other places, this is what I think of when I think “I wish I was home”.

Comment from Spain Travel
Time: March 4, 2008, 1:48 pm

After four years, I still try to go shopping at 2.30pm.

Looks like I’ll never get used the the siesta.

:o(

Damian

Comment from Jonny
Time: March 6, 2008, 5:55 pm

Ben, i think it makes an interesting contrast to your arrival in Spain with getting used to living in a different foreign country. I’m English and moved to the US four years ago. Believe me, you’d think it would be very straightforward, what with the shared language and similar cultures, but in fact, it wasn’t so easy. I took a while to think about why it was problematic adapting to a place that felt so familiar - at least from seeing it all the time on TV - and recently I’ve recognized that, while I don’t know, it might have been because it seems so similar you don’t expect there to be differences and so problems that do arise throw you off-balance. Furthermore, because I look the same as most white Americans (though i think i dress a whole lot better) people don’t treat me differently until i open my mouth, that’s when the misunderstandings come in - to this day I will ask my American wife to order food over the phone because they never understand what i’m saying. And, compound this with there being only a minimal ex-pat British community in the US - even in NYC, there was no readily established community to fit in with, like there is for so many immigrant groups in New York, so i probably felt more like an outsider.

That said, Americans are very welcoming and friendly and are legitimately interested in meeting people from other places - even those Americans who have no interest in actually visiting those places. So while this does make you feel different and an object of curiosity, it kind of makes you feel a bit special, at least until it gets to be annoying!

But, in answer to your original question about how long does it take to get used to it - I think you’re right, it can take varying degrees of time. For me, I notice the manhattan skyline as I cross the bridge on the way to work everyday and think, christ i live in New York! But at the same time, you can’t marvel about it all the time, and so you get used to driving on the right hand side, used to the horrific strip-mall developments that have disfigured so much of the countryside, used to meeting conservative Christian Republicans, and it all stops feeling so unusual after a while. That said, I do love that we have real snow here in winter and that the summers are predictably warm and pleasant- that hasn’t got old yet.

WeAreNeverFull.com

Comment from SergiMan
Time: March 6, 2008, 8:04 pm

I’m Spanish and have always lived in my country. I have also travelled very often, for business and leisure, to many countries, mainly European, and I have wondered myself many times how could my life be if I lived in Germany or the UK for some years. For one side, I’d feel the relief to enjoy a quieter and more polite environment. But at the end I ‘d miss those many long sunny days, the kind people attending the shops, a group of friends and colleagues all of them speaking at the same time, the idioms, the food… My head isn’t Spanish but my heart definitely IS

Comment from Edith
Time: March 8, 2008, 9:26 am

@Luke

I fully understand your concerns, especially since you’ve got children to look after. But unfortunately, unpredictability is one of the factors we cannot avoid.

You never really know where disaster is going to strike next - could anybody predict the 11-M massacre in Madrid, or 9/11 for that matter? And who’d have expected that Kenya - one of Africa’s most stable countries - would be torn apart by ethnic unrest?

I agree this is scary, but there is no place in the world we can truly call ’safe’. Yes, Iceland is one of the most peaceful and stable places on the planet, but they have got earthquakes…

Comment from Cynthia
Time: March 15, 2008, 1:38 pm

I just moved to Spain from the states in December. I moved here to be with my boyfriend of three years. I’m finding that as the weather gets warmer and my spanish/catalan is improving, I’m getting more used to the idea of calling Spain my home. I do miss my college friends and my family and I’m sure I will going back to the U.S. by Christmas. It is hard to adjust when I’m waiting for my work visa to go through, I’m home all day, don’t know anyone, no friends, scared to go to stores for fear of someone talking to me in Spanish and me looking like a complete fool. Lucky, Lloret de Mar is very touristic and english can be understood here.

I hope that as the months pass I grow to love Spain more. I can see myself moving back here when I graduate,just give me a flat by the sea.

Comment from cuc
Time: April 27, 2008, 9:12 am

I moved to Madrid from the US 3 years ago with my husband and 2 children, one of which was a toddler. I speak fluent spanish, so the language barrier was not a factor. It was a difficult move. The “mañana” way of life, the ridiculous driving standard, the siesta hours, the over-inflated prices, the holier than thou attitude… well you get the picture, it’s very, very hard to get used to.

Once I realized that I was NOT in the US and I accepted that things are “different” it got much, much easier to live here. The amount of time it takes to realize that can vary for each individual. For me it was at about the 2 year point. I am much happier now and when I am happy, my family is happy.

I miss my home, the US, very much. But I’m not going back until it’s time to move back (another 2 years). The way I see it is: “I’m in Europe and I’m going to see this part of the world before I leave.”

So to answer the question…. It is different for everyone, but you have to make a choice. You either accept a different way of life, or you fight it until the end. Good Luck.

Comment from Michael
Time: April 27, 2008, 12:42 pm

I am from Spain but when I was 6 years old my father passed away and we moved to California USA. I lived in the US ever since, for 25 years, and I was very happy there. 5 years ago my oldest brother came back Valencia, Spain to live, he was older than me when we went to the USA and he was always homesick. He always wanted to come back to Spain. My mother also moved back to Spain 4 years ago and I decided to go there to try it out. I’ve been in Spain 3 years now and I don’t feel at home.

Here are my thoughts, Coming from California, the life style in Calif. is more independent. You do your own thing, there are shops and theaters in every corner.

Spain is a country where you have to be very confident with yourself. You have to like to be around people, talk to people, become part of the group or else you will always feel like an outsider. I live in a small town and I don’t go out much, people here know everyone by name and I was not raised with this mindset. I can’t get used to it. Like someone else said my heart is Spanish but my head is not. I like to have my own space, I like to be anonymous and independent. Maybe im introvert. And Spain is for extroverts.

In the USA I was more independent, I had more identity, It’s kind of hard to explain. But Im planning to go back home…California. I will miss some things from Spain, like the food, my brother and mother and walking everywhere, but I think I will be happier in the back in the USA. We will see.

Comment from marc
Time: May 2, 2008, 12:53 am

SergiMan:

“THE KIND PEOPLE ATTENDING IN THE SHOPS”: what Spain do you live in? In Britain, yes, the shop attendants may be kind, as well as in America or Mexico, but in Spain? I will not say helpful is unheard of, but it is neither particularly common. And a smile is rare.