You live happily in your big old flat block in the middle of Madrid for 5 years without so much as a hiccup, then all of a sudden, one day your sister-in-law overhears a bit of gossip in the building lobby that changes your life forever… something so serious that you have to pretty much immediately start looking for a new place to live… an utterly compelling reason to leave your dear, sweet home forever… without so much as a backward glance…
Not cockroaches in the bathroom, noisy neighbours, burst water pipes, or a dial-up internet connection (none of which we suffer, thank god) could be worse than this…
The catastrophic conversation overheard by my sister-in-law on the way up to our flat just minutes ago, between our porter and an elderly resident, went like this:
Old guy: “So, the new Presidenta is Marina Diez?”
Porter:”Yes, it’s just been decided in the residents meeting…” [that we avoid like the plague]
Old guy: “The girl with the baby…”
Porter: “Yes, that’s the one.”
Yes, my wife Marina has apparently been made Presidenta de la Comunidad… Marina, ‘the girl with the baby’… and the business to run… and no time to so much as stop once a day for a glass of gazpacho… handed the worst thing that can happen to you in Spain…
… the sooner we get out of here the better… our very sanity, and with it our health, is at stake. Marina has been landed with the one job no-one here in planet-Spain would beg for in a million years.
Let me explain:
The ‘comunidad‘ is the collection of people that live in this building. In our case, Marina has been nominated boss of said ‘community’ for a year and will be required to take on associated administative responsibilities.
Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? And after all, the post is changed once a year by a fair system of rotation (apparently) – everyone gets a go.
But let’s look at the facts. There are ONE HUNDRED flats in our building. The above-mentioned “collection of ordinary people” that live in them is HUGE, mostly elderly and bored, and often somewhat mad.
And when they find out who has been nominated, albeit by this fair rotational system, to be in charge of them for the coming year, they will become psychotic, oppressed, moaning whingers, who’ll be beating down our door on a daily, no, an Hourly basis with the most inane building, neighbour, lost cat, cracked basin, just-a-bit-lonely/bored and god-knows-what-else related complaints they can possibly come up with, whenever they can possibly think of an excuse to come up with them!
That’s not even considering all the trips to the bank, document signings etc Marina will have to take on and, worst of all, worse than having all these people coming to our door for a year… Marina will have to chair the dreaded “residents’ meetings”… where the great unheard flat-owning masses of our dear community are all put in one room to rant, rage and olympicly moan at the same time!
We await official confirmation… with a gathering sense of dread. If it’s true, which seems 99.99% certain, then there is only one allowable way out. To leave the building, better still, to leave town. We’ll be heading for the hills. Flat (maybe) for rent. Watch … this … space…
Gabriella Opaz
2 Jun 09 at 9:42 pm
I know I shouldn’t laugh, but this is like the Spanish version of Three’s Company
If it’s any consolation, we’ve got a spare bedroom if you need a hideout 
Graham
2 Jun 09 at 9:47 pm
Ok here is the plan after our experience as both President and Treasurer. You hire a Gestor and outsource the work. I know it costs money but think of all of that heartache it saves you, or rather Marina. It is cheaper than buying and selling flats, and finding one with a terrace to podcast from. (Seriously you ARE allowed to do that if you want)
Amy Segreti
2 Jun 09 at 9:50 pm
Ben, have you ever seen the telenovela, “Aqui no hay quien viva”? This post reminded me of it… is Marina to become the next Juan, the next Senor Cuesta? If so, perhaps you two can start up an “Aqui no hay quien viva” series 2…
But seriously — best wishes! I don’t know how you two will get out of this but I’m sure you’ll manage to do so with style and grace, or at the very least, a very entertaining anecdote for your next audiobook.
Chris
2 Jun 09 at 10:04 pm
I’m so sorry for you guys – I’ve avoided these things for years too! G
kenpeace
2 Jun 09 at 10:09 pm
Could have been worse – they could have given it to the English bloke that lives there.
100 flats is a lot of whining in any language.
Steven Capsuto
2 Jun 09 at 10:11 pm
Somehow this seemed funnier on “Aquí no hay quien viva.” Maybe you need a prerecorded laugh track to carry around.
Graham Tappenden
2 Jun 09 at 10:26 pm
I went to our meeting for the first time last year (http://tinyurl.com/64g2ar) – if you don’t then things may get decided over your head that you still have to pay for your share of.
Ben
2 Jun 09 at 11:12 pm
@Gabriella, we may take you up on that!
@Graham, that could be life-saving advice, we’d definitely pay for that!
@Amy, we’ve seen it! … and yes, too true, good material for Madrid Confessions the sequel!
@Graham Tap, I know as responsible flat owners we should always have attended these meetings anyway… but as people in love with our own sanity, we flee!
@kenpeace – my thoughts exactly, they could have chosen me!!!!!! Guess they thought the guiri wasn’t up to the job!
gary
2 Jun 09 at 11:17 pm
If you make it known that you are videoing the meetings to go on the web less folk will turn up…
But then theres a chance that the guy opposite (you have to buy Madrid Confessions to understand) would connect the dots…
Yup, its time to go!!!
Freddy
2 Jun 09 at 11:20 pm
Look on the bright side. At least you’re going to learn a lot about human nature (the dark side). I suggest checking out Alex de la Iglesia’s comedy ‘La Comunidad’ to prepare yourselves.
Ben
2 Jun 09 at 11:24 pm
@Gary – yes, that risk is way too great!
@Freddy, seen it, that’s why we are so scared!
Graham
2 Jun 09 at 11:41 pm
I agree with Gary. Ask your neighbour opposite. He has a lot of spare time in the evening.
Chris
2 Jun 09 at 11:43 pm
I can only imagine what a building full of 100 aging Spaniards can do to one’s mental health. You may want to tell Marina to mount some type of scandal and hope that she gets forced to resign from her post as presidenta or better yet maybe she could get impeached…. You know, Nixon/Watergate style but on a smaller scale.
Carlton
3 Jun 09 at 12:52 am
Its one thing to want the job and serve your community, it’s another to be put in the position against your will. Find a graceful way to exit by handing off the job to someone who wants – really. There is someone in your building who wants to job, now you have a way to find them.
leftbanker
3 Jun 09 at 10:25 am
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You should see it as a great opportunity. In business parlance you have to ask yourself this question WWJSD? (What would Josef Stalin do?).
Your first move should be to establish a secret police force with a vast network of informers and spies. I personally believe that death squads are a bit old fashioned but lots of people in this position like having that option. Next you’ll have to get Marina fitted for a uniform: either battle fatigues like Castro or a dress uniform with lots of medals and a holster and sidearm. I would immediately begin work on a huge statue in the new presidenta’s honor (built with community funds, of course). I would increase defense spending instead of doing boring stuff like fixing elevators or patching the roof. To be on the safe side you should begin looking for countries that don’t have extradition treaties with Spain. When she gives her first speech from your balcony could you please put it on youtube for us?
bill (Legazpi)
3 Jun 09 at 10:31 am
We seem to have just one reunion de vecinos a year and it is hell. We have over 150 flats in our urbanización and the meetings are just a war of attrition, going on into the small hours as slowly, one-by-one, each person’s will to be there breaks and they leave. At 2 or 3 in the morning about half the agenda has been covered, but since there is just a handful of people left, they can swiftly discuss and vote on the rest of the items between themselves. “Democracy of the fittest”.
But … I also think the reunion de vecinos is the ultimate test of one’s Spanish. If you can follow twenty people talking (or shouting) at once, usually with different accents, on what are often quite obscure matters, then you’ve made it. Ben, you’ll have to do a podcast of a meeting so people can really put themselves to the test.
Richardksa
3 Jun 09 at 10:51 am
Leftbanker’s comment reminded me of the Comunidad meeting you wrote about in “Errent..”. Get Marina’s picture enlarged and framed!!
Our comunidad had joined forces with several other apartment blocks to protest changes to our little plaza. The place needs a facelift, but the opportunity is being seized on to as a way of sticking their noses in other apartment block’s business – and the business of the “open all hours” chinese shop that has the audacity to sell fizzy drinks and snacks to the kids who congragate, usually quite well behaved, in the plaza.
The notice about all this is stuck in the foyer and signed “El Presidente”. (No actual name.) It smacks of tin-pot south American dictatorship and has been a source of amusment to me for a while. I wonder if we should stage a coup?
Maria S.
3 Jun 09 at 12:54 pm
Good story! About six years ago our communal building asked me to do the same. I had attended the annual four-hour meeting (my husband and I always throw a coin to determine who has to go to this four-hour whining session).
Anyway, I was approached three times to take up this position and three times I turned it down with a simple No.
Option 1: Marina refuses. If so, what would the reaction be?
Option 2: Use all the things you learn, make podcasts about it, you would an have incessant source of blog topics, etc.
They do tend to pick people who are at home and/or work from home.
Bella
3 Jun 09 at 2:34 pm
Can’t you just say you can’t possibly do it because you’re too busy already with the baby and running the business?
simon
3 Jun 09 at 4:45 pm
You are always welcome at Los Gazquez, although the fox was quite rowdy last night. Oh and the warm breeze in the pine trees can be disturbing sometimes and there is a Black Eared Wheatear outside my office that just chirps all day. It’s a kind of community I guess, a wild one too.
Arun
3 Jun 09 at 5:27 pm
Sounds like a difficult job!
Where I live, being president of the apartment complex/colony is less hard work and more power, and is sometimes sought after.
Tom
3 Jun 09 at 6:03 pm
Ah it’s not that bad. Besides, you can always get that lift installed/roof changed/window fixed that you can’t get done other years (and make all the neighbours pay for it).
I think it’s a good idea to attend the annual comunidad meeting (do you have more than 1 a year?)
Oh, and Ben: you could always help!
Jon
3 Jun 09 at 7:27 pm
this is the best and most intriquing story you have posted recently.
I have absolutely NO advice, and no experience to share. But I will be following this closely, because it seems to be an inextinguishable fountain of amusing stories for the coming year.
BTW – how’s things with Leo?
Ben
3 Jun 09 at 7:35 pm
Thanks for all the new comments, we still haven’t received official notice yet, I suspect they know we know and are making us suffer until such a time as someone deems to inform us of this horror.
To reply to a couple of points above: I don’t think Marina can refuse by law… there would be way more than one meeting a year I fear… and yes, I could help, I suppose… gulp… and Jon, all is well with Leo!
IVAN STOLER
3 Jun 09 at 8:48 pm
Ben, Buy a case of the finest Orujo you can get, Asturiano, Gallego it doesn’t matter. At least not to me. Then everytime someone requests something , pour them a drink or two or three. Soon, they won’t rememeber who you are….Of course, you could get the Asutrianos Y Gallegos made at you for not having THEIR Orujo but thems the breaks…
Graeme
3 Jun 09 at 11:31 pm
Renting the flat won’t do you any good, you’re still the president as the owner. When we moved into our flat we became presidentes (joint) of the comunidad immediately – because it was the turn of the people we’d bought from.
Hollis
4 Jun 09 at 2:37 am
These things always turn out better than you think they will. I think you might surprise yourselves by learning a lot and actually benefitting from the experience. So, it may do more good than harm. Have you asked Leo what he thinks?
Richard
4 Jun 09 at 5:59 am
The previously mentioned idea of outsourcing does not work as a lot of the vecinos (usually elderly) will claim that they can’t possibly pay their part of the cost. At the same time, they can’t possibly take on the job, well we’re elderly! From my own experience of owning an appartment in a buiding of 36 viviendas, one man has graciously assumed the role for the past 6 or 7 years. Me, I’m overseas, earning money to pay for it!
Justin in Spain
4 Jun 09 at 3:57 pm
I am the president of our community here and it’s a nightmare. I feel for Marina, especially with the baby and everything! Best of luck to her.
gary
4 Jun 09 at 9:13 pm
the url http://www.elpresidente.es is not taken – do you feel another blog coming on….
Stephen
4 Jun 09 at 10:03 pm
I’ve had terrible troubles with a badly-managed block within which I own a flat in the UK. Believe me the system in the UK of having things looked after by a ‘professional’ manager often leaves a lot to be desired. I am currently going through the Leasehold Valuation Tribunal process to try and stop the block crumbling into the ground.
I bet Marina would be a hundred times more competent than the cowboy manager I’m trying to remove.
Colin
5 Jun 09 at 9:26 pm
Ben,
Tme to remind you of my lovely place in the hills outside Pontevedra. An oasis of beauty and calm. And you’ll be able to get the AVE in 2012/2016/2020.
AndrewW
7 Jun 09 at 11:55 am
If it’s anything like Aqui No Hay Quien Viva, GOOD LUCK!!
Charles C Stirk Jr
8 Jun 09 at 4:03 am
Ben it is not that bad been doing it for a year now …
Hint 1 start a comunidad blog
http://brooklandterracecivicclub.blogspot.com/
Hint 2 gmail account for the president so when you pass the baton it is all in the email account …
Hint 3 .. Meeting that go over an hour need food …
Hint 4 never let meeting go over an hour
I always thought more viceroy , but ..
” you have to ask yourself this question WWJSD? (What would Josef Stalin do?).”
leftbanker
Love it …
Ben
8 Jun 09 at 1:29 pm
@Charles, great advice! Still waiting for official confirmation… like the blog idea a lot too. Looks lovely around where you live!
Dan
8 Jun 09 at 4:30 pm
Outsource everything to a gestor. What they charge in fees is more than made up for in avoiding pointless squabbles and power struggles between the residents. I’m sure the gestor will be able to explain how to get everything outsourced everything to them, it’s in their interest.
The OCU publish a book, Comunidad de Propietarios. http://www.ocu.org/comunidad-de-propietarios-s394574.htm . You may notice that one of the questions it highlights is ¿Puedo librarme de ser presidente?
If you can’t get rid of the presidency, set up a surgery for an hour once a week and stick religiously to the timetable. The reply to any question outside of surgery hours which can’t be answered there and then should be ‘Come round Saturday between 1 and 2′ (1 and 2 because you have an excuse to stop at 2 for lunch and so do they).
Tom
10 Jun 09 at 7:27 pm
Ok, it’s pretty bad but it’s not THE WORST thing… I was crushed against a wall by a bull 10 days ago and got 4 broken ribs, a broken wrist and an interesting nipple piercing (The other half of it’s probably still on the bull’s horn). Worse still, in the Diario de Navarra they’ve got me down as a “peregrino inglés” (english pilgrim) who got a “rasguño” (scratch/graze/scrape). Bastards…
Mike
16 Jun 09 at 1:24 pm
In fairness Tom, if you got your injuries from attending the bull run in Pamplona then you have no right to moan. You knew the potential risk you were taking when you took part. The welfare of the bulls is another issue I won’t bother going in to.
If you were not at the bull run and were attacked by a random bull somewhere in Navarra then apologies for the first part of my post!
Tom
20 Aug 09 at 11:45 pm
Yes Mike, the welfare of bulls is an interesting spanish topic, but there are a few false assumptions in your comment. I was actually in a village called Los Arcos for the baptism of a couple of friend’s child. The date coincided with the local fiestas, hence the bulls running around. We had lunch in another friends house on the Calle Mayor, which was the main street of the encierro. Not exactly a random bull, but not planned either.